


Movie Night

by Marfacat



Series: Starscream But In Really Weird Scenarios [3]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Culture Shock, Gen, It backfires spectacularly, Starscream being Starscream, The Autobots are trying to teach the Decepticons good behavior, movies - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marfacat/pseuds/Marfacat
Summary: The Autobots have taken it upon themselves to try to educate the incarcerated Decepticons on  how to function in polite society.Unfortunately, the only media available with which to do so is from Earth.It doesn’t translate well.(Hippie Cult universe).
Series: Starscream But In Really Weird Scenarios [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1524788
Comments: 55
Kudos: 138





	1. Thomas The Tank Engine

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I have another idea now! Thanks so much for your support on my other fics, it means so much to me! :)
> 
> Here it is!

The prisoners had all been corralled into the common room, which had been arranged like an assembly at an underfunded American elementary school. The Hippie Club filled up three rows of cheap benches, with Starscream and Knockout smack in the middle. 

In the front of the room, a massive visual display screen was being installed on the wall. Ultra Magnus stood before the confused and disgruntled crowd.

“Good evening,” he said. Somebody blew a raspberry at him, which he pointedly ignored. “Tonight, we are pushing your curfew back a few hours in order for you to participate in our new Mandatory Movie Night.” 

“We should watch porn!” Someone shouted. The room erupted into catcalls and laughter. Magnus was not amused. 

“Pornography is not permitted on correctional facility grounds,” he said sternly, much to the prisoners’ chagrin. He continued:

“Due to the fact that most of our species’ records have been  _ destroyed_,” here, he looked very pointedly at Starscream, “we will be using media that the humans were kind enough to lend to us. The standard rules apply: no disruption, no obscenity, no interface, no violence, and absolutely _no_ theft of body parts. There are guards stationed around the room to ensure your compliance with these regulations. Please enjoy Thomas the Tank Engine.” 

“Oh,” Knockout murmured, “oh my god, this is going to be a fiasco!” He snickered, covering his face with his servos.

“ _Tell_ me about it,” Starscream muttered, slouching in his chair, “this is probably going to be something about the anatomy of those scaly, aquatic dogs.” Knockout just giggled harder, doubling over in his seat. 

Thirty seconds later, Starscream understood what Knockout meant. The confused murmurs from the surrounding prisoners suggested a similar sentiment.

“Sweet Solus Prime,” whispered Steve, “is this a documentary about the _Quintesson occupation?_ I thought they had more tentacles!”  


Knockout laughed harder, earning strange looks from the vehicons around him.

“ _Fascinating_ ,” Starscream murmured, “it seems the fleshlings are rather adept at the horror genre.” 

The movie continued, much to the disgust of the captive audience. The prisoners muttered amongst themselves about ‘functionism’ and ‘organic supremacists.’

“Why are they stuck to _tracks?_ ” Gerald whimpered. “Why can’t they _go_ anywhere?” 

“Because if they weren’t, they’d be able to get away from their organic overlords,” Starscream replied drily. “ _Clearly_ , this is slavery and hegemony.”

“Oh, it gets  _worse_ ,” Knockout giggled. “This is for human larvae. They’re supposed to  _ relate  _ to the trains!”

Starscream’s face scrunched up in disgust. 

“Are they trying to _brainwash_ us, then?!” He snapped, wings rising slowly. “Well, it won’t work! I will  never  be a ‘ _useful engine!_ ’” He sneered at the screen, flicking his wings dismissively.

“You said it, boss!” Shouted GroundBoy. “Viva la revolution!” 

Some other prisoners hooted their approval, prompting Ultra Magnus to ‘ _Ahem_ ’ loudly from the back of the room. Several people glared at him.

Much to the collective relief of the prisoners, the movie ended, and they were made to exit the room in single-file. Starscream stopped in front of the warden.

“Excuse me,” he announced, making certain to project his voice, “I would like to _file a complaint!_ ” Ultra Magnus cocked an optical ridge.

“Yes?” The surrounding vehicons perked up.

“I’d like to file a complaint, too!” Said Daniel, gaining the attention of the rest of the prisoners. 

“Me, too! I wanna complain!” Shouted Gerald from the back, waving his servo emphatically. 

The room erupted into yelling, with several mechs clambering and shouting over one another to air their grievances. 

Ultra Magnus looked like he wanted to jump out a window. Starscream smirked at him. 

“No rest for the wicked,” he purred.


	2. Cinderella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cinderella is not a strategic genius. Just ask Starscream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive feedback! I’ll work on the requests over the next few chapters.

The next decacycle found the prisoners once again corralled into the common room. 

“In light of multiple... _Concerns_ expressed by some inmates,” Ultra Magnus said, ignoring the occasional jeer or snicker from his captive audience, “we have begun screening the movies before showing them to make certain that they contain nothing that could be interpreted as... _Offensive_.”

Starscream scoffed. 

“He crossed  _ that  _ particular line when he made us watch  _ human media_,” he sneered. “The space it occupies in my memory core could have been dedicated to something more  important.  Such as the average weight of a golden-age era mining vehicle, or perhaps Shockwave’s favorite color.”

Steve nudged him with his knee sympathetically.

“Without further ado,” Magnus continued, heedless of the inmates’ complaints, “tonight, we are watching ‘Cinderella.’”

Knockout guffawed, attracting the attention of everyone around him. He disguised it with an unconvincing coughing fit. Ultra Magnus was less than impressed, but he refrained from responding and walked to the back of the room. 

Cinderella was... Something. 

“Why does it matter if she’s ‘beautiful?’” Starscream muttered to Knockout. “That seems fairly arbitrary.” The sports car shrugged.

“Squishies are pretty shallow,” he whispered back. “Wow, look at that scrap. Isn’t their technology pathetic?” Starscream snorted. 

“ _Tell _ me about it.” 

They watched in silence for awhile, before Starscream gave an exasperated huff. Knockout looked at him curiously.

“What?” He asked. “Is it the talking animals? I think that’s what happens when you leave a sentient species uncontacted for too long- they start making  _imaginary friends_.” Starscream shook his helm. 

“No, it’s just _stupid_ that she complains about how much she hates her life, but doesn’t even utilize her tiny minions to  _ do  _ anything about it!” He held up his servo, furrowing his optical ridges.   


“Look  them- there’s a veritable  _ horde! _She could easily become the leader of the house if she just  _ gave the order! _ As far as I’m concerned, she deserves the suffering she allows them to inflict upon her.” Knockout frowned thoughtfully.

“You might be into something there,” he said. “That doesn’t sound very  Autobot-approved, though.” Starscream made a noise of disgust.

“Typical Autobot mentality- become complacent and allow others to take advantage of you for the sake of ‘peace,’” he sneered. 

Steve huffed a short laugh from Starscream’s other side.

“I don’t know, I think it’s kind of cute,” he said. “Cheesy, but charming.” Starscream rolled his optics and patted his partner on the shoulder.

“That’s because you’ve never experienced  _ quality  _ media. Fleshling drivel  _ pales  _ in comparison to the old Vosian soap operas.” Knockout perked up. 

“Wait- you used to watch those, too?” He asked. “Have you seen ‘Fly Me Past The Stars?’” Starscream scoffed.

“Of _course_ I have! What sort of uncultured buffoon would I be if I hadn’t?” He said, picking at his claws. Knockout grinned, turning to face him fully. 

“What did you think when Windchime kicked Warbler out of the trine when he found out she was conjunxing a shuttle?” He asked excitedly, optics brightening.  


  
Starscream gasped and looked at Knockout like someone had told him that Megatron and Optimus Prime were having a secret affair.

“He did  _ what?!_” He exclaimed. 

Several pair of optics and visors turned to them, glowing curiously in the darkened room. Ultra Magnus reset his vocalizer.

“You will be silent during the movie!” He reprimanded. Starscream’s wings dipped in embarrassment. 

“I missed the last vorn or so of seasons,” he whispered, “but I shouldn’t be so surprised. For a musician, Herald was always such a  _ traditionalist_. Never did like him.” Knockout cocked an optical ridge.

“Uh huh,” he said. “Unlike  _you_ , Mr. Unitarian.” Starscream hit him with the side of his knee. 

“I’ll have you know that I’m  _ very  _ open to relationships with non-seekers,” he said loftily, gesturing to Steve. The vehicon perked up at the sudden attention. ”To say _nothing_ of  shuttles.  I never understood the stigma against that. I mean, they’re  _fliers_.” Knockout nodded.

“And they’re very...  _ Robust_,” he added dreamily. Starscream bit his lip. 

“That they are,” he agreed. They both sighed, staring at nothing.

A flash of light on-screen caught their attention, and they focused back on the movie.

“Wait, what the  _ frag?_” Starscream hissed, watching as some sort of organic  _ tumor _ transformed into a primitive transport vehicle. “What is  _ wrong  _ with the fleshlings?”

“See, I told you!” Knockout said, gesturing at the screen. “Uncontacted species go insane from the isolation!” Starscream didn’t respond, watching the transformation sequences in mute horror.

“I fragging hate this movie,” he finally muttered. 

They didn’t speak much again until the part with the glass slipper, simply absorbing the movie with tired optics.

“There’s no _way_ the weird prosthetic pede things are that specialized,” Starscream complained to Knockout. 

“They’re called ‘shoes,’” the medic whispered back. “They wear them because their real pedes are too squishy to handle the ground.” Starscream blinked.

“That’s stupid,” he said. “Who even designed these things?  _ Terrible _engineering. I hate their weird pedes and their little...  _ Pede fingers_ _._ I  _ hate _ them.” Steve patted Starscream’s shoulder sympathetically.

“Don’t let the humans ruin your night, babe,” he said. Starscream made a disgusted noise.

“It’s so  _ weird!_” He whined. “If I ever conquer that disgusting planet, the first thing I’m doing is cutting those things off and replacing them with something more sensible. Like _bricks_.” Steve nodded.

“That’s a  great plan,” he soothed, still rubbing his partner’s shoulder. “You’d make a  fantastic evil overlord.” Starscream leaned minutely into Steve’s touch.

“You really think so?” He asked. Steve nodded, brightening his visor.

“Of course!” He said. 

Knockout, who had been watching the whole thing with a grimace, gave a loud ‘ahem.’

“Leave room for Primus, you two,” he sneered. Starscream abruptly straightened and scooted his chair away from Steve’s.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snapped. Steve made a small, frustrated noise. 

The three of them focused back on the screen as Cinderella and the Prince got married, ending the movie.

“ _Finally_ , ” Starscream muttered. “That was a horrific fever dream of a film.” Steve snorted as they joined the crowd filing out of the room.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked. “For them, this is _tame_. You should see the Human Centipede.” Knockout gagged.

“Oh,  _ please _ never mention that monstrosity near me ever again,” he said. “I’ve seen experiments of  _Shockwave’s_ less gruesome than that.” 

Starscream looked between the two of them curiously. 

“Wait, what?” He asked. “What are you idiots talking about?” Steve and Knockout shared a brief, pained look. 

“Nope!” Knockout said, pushing past them. “Conversation over.” He disappeared into the crowd. 

Starscream looked to Steve expectantly as they made their way into the hall.

“Um,” the vehicon said, “so. Vosian soap operas, huh? I think Soundwave uses footage from one of those sometimes.” 

Starscream rolled his optics, deciding that he probably didn’t even want to know.

“Goodnight, Steve,” he said tiredly. Steve brushed his field over Starscream’s affectionately. 

“‘Night,” he replied.

They split and went their separate ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starscream and Knockout are both addicted to trashy soap operas, I refuse to believe otherwise. Also, I’m terrible at naming Cybertronians. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Don’t forget to leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Eh, I’m not a fan of this one, but it’s probably not getting much better than this. :/
> 
> Thomas the Tank Engine is objectively horrifying, especially from the perspective of aliens who had to live under functionism. Hindsight is 20/20.
> 
> Don’t forget to leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
